Bob Stewart, ConservativesA retired colonel, not that you'd know to look at him. Almost certainly going to be the next MP, then spend his tenure propping up the House of Commons bar until death or retirement, whichever comes sooner. Not that I'm belittling the man's military service, it's just that being parachuted into a safe seat seems like the closest thing to an actual pension military officers get these days. It's a long and venerable tradition dating back to the rotten boroughs. At least in the Victorian days they had a choice between that and writing books with titles like 'Through the Congo With Gun and Camera'.
Almost certainly going to be elected, almost certainly going to be a completely unremarkable backbencher, perhaps with an occasional burst of bring-back-the-birch insanity to enliven things.
Stephen Jenkins, Lib DemsWho?
...the worst part is, I'm probably going to be voting for him.
Damien Egan, Labour
No picture or link appears to be forthcoming, which should tell you how serious this campaign is. He'll pick up some votes in the more urban, old-Labour wards, probably, and then spend the rest of his time getting absolutely creamed. Perhaps not quite as badly as the Lib Dem candidate, but nonetheless.
Roger Tonks, BNPThat's right, the BNP have managed to do what the Wehrmacht never did, and bring Nazis to the outskirts of London. He'll most likely get a tiny fraction of the vote, presumably from senile old racists, but the fact that the bigoted, hopeless cunts actually have a candidate here is just downright insulting. Then again, I suppose a large part of the Conservative demographic here will be the aforementioned senile old bastards, still in thrall to Enoch Powell. It doesn't help that Beckenham is probably the single whitest place on the planet (with the possible exception of the North Pole), so no-one need ever have their prejudices challenged or anything. But at the risk of sounding classist, or prejudiced myself, I think this constituency's just a little too well-heeled for the BNP. Our racists are the net-curtain twitching type, as opposed to the my-mate-Reg-says-there's-fifty-billion-asylum-seekers-now type. Mail, rather than Sun territory. Which means lots of votes for the colonel, and not so many for Sturmbannfuhrer Tonks. Lesser of two evils, I suppose.
Also some woman from the Green Party who doesn't stand a chance, and a complete political nonentity from UKIP. See what I mean? Inspiring! Yaaaaay representative democracy. The worst part for me personally is the timing of polling day. I may well wake up the next day and get a Cameron government for a birthday present. How's that for a depressing thought?
5 comments:
It occurs to me that there are parallels between your first general election and mine, which was in 1992: a discredited and unpopular government that's been in power for 13 years; the consumately populist leader who led the party to their last three victories forced out a couple of years earlier by mounting unrest in the parliamentary party; most people have assumed for years that the election is a foregone conclusion, and that the government will be out on their ears; but the main opposition party is struggling to engage with the popular spirit of the times, and the polls are febrile, and you never know, you never know...; and you will be casting your vote in a safe Conservative seat (at my first election, the candidate i voted for got a massive 192 votes). At least it makes for a more interesting first than 2005 would have done. :o)
If you are inclined to vote to the left - and it would appear you are; no great surprise there - i'd urge you to look into the policies of the Green candidate before you dismiss her - you may find she's a more congenial fit than the Lib Dem (assuming she's not on the old-fashioned "let's all wear hemp underpants and try to roll back progress 200 years" wing of the party). If you think about it, in your constituency, if you were to ignore all the candidates who had no chance of winning, you'd end up having to vote Conservative...
I disagree slightly with your analysis re the BNP, in that i would expect the anti-immigrant right to vote UKIP, not Conservative, and so i would be looking for a strong performance from them. The exact level of success will probably come down to how hardline the Tory is prepared to go, but i think i'd probably be looking for the UKIP candidate to place in the top three anyway. (Possibly...)
The presence of a BNP candidate on the ballot does, however, give you the perfect reason for voting, even if your preferred (or least-disliked...) candidate has no chance of winning - every ballot cast against the BNP reduces their share of the vote, which is an important thing, and in your constituency may turn out to be the most important thing.
Apologies for getting all geeky and long-winded in your comments. :o)
So I just miss a chance to vote in this election, and TO BE HONEST, I do not give a fuck. I'm glad that I still do not have to feel obliged to partake in something that I have no real control over whatsoever. I can't see my constituency ever being anything other than Lib Dem, and I probably wouldn't try to change that even if I could.
Eh. Have fun voting Alex darling.
Bob Stewart? As in Bosnia Bob? I remember him from 90s news reports when he commander of the British UN forces in Bosnia.
He seemed like a decent bloke at the time. Shame he's a Tory.
Just wanted to say, the "Manufactured in an environment which handles nuts" line at the top made me lol, literally.
Another good post Alex, thanks. Also like the nuts comment.
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